Bionic Toes are boring!

So, one week and two days ago, I underwent a bunionectomy, which included reconstructing my big toe bone, complete with hardware. In addition to the fun noted above, they also went in and sewed up my torn tendons in the pad of my foot, did something (not quite sure what) to straighten my second toe, and made an incision in my calf to go in and extend my achilles tendon. So, now that I'm off the Norco and no longer living in a drug induced fog, I will share my experience with you.

The surgery itself took just around 4 hours. It came complete with a 3/4 cast which encompasses everything but my calf, but is wrapped snugly with ace bandages. It's quite the fashion accessory! The humdinger is that I can't put weight on it for 4-6 weeks. So, in lieu of a functional foot/leg, I have a handy little medical leg scooter, borrowed from a friend. It even has a basket in the front. WHEEEE.

I remember waking up from the surgery and my mom coming in. She's awesome. I vaguely remember coming in (via scooter) and being tucked in to bed by my hubby. The next few days are fuzzy. Hubby was kind enough to set an alarm and wake me every four hours, on the dot, to make sure I take my Norco. Man. That stuff is potent. I didn't even feel one ounce of pain for about 24 hours after surgery. Then I started to feel some pangs and burning feelings. But the Norco helped, a lot. Unfortunately, it made me feel like someone ruffied me. WHOA. I'm talking, head lolling, eyes drooping, no focus, sick to your stomach spins. This is what "drugged" felt like. I had to double up a couple of times because my foot was really hurting. That was not smart. I felt like I was breathing too shallowly.

So I email the doctor and he sends in a prescription for Tramadol. Cool. Hubby takes that. So my amazing BFF picks up my new prescription...oh yeah, no driving for at least 6 weeks either! But, after several doses of Tramadol, even coupled with ibuprofen, I don't notice one difference. So I email him again, worried he will think that I am some sort of weird junkie trying to get her hands on all the narcotics she can. So he calls in a prescription for Tylenol with Codine. Guess what, NOTHING. Apparently with my weird body, it's all or nothing! There is no in between, contrary to what the doctor seems to think is an "in between" drug.

So I sit, day in and day out, with my leg elevated because if it swells too badly...and you're going to love this...it will explode. Not like cease to exist, but the skin will burst open. That doesn't sound pleasurable AT ALL. So, I sit. Elevated. But with a slight bend in my knee so as not to do...God knows what to it. Yeah, it throbs and sometimes I get a few sharp pains, but the worst part is that it feels overheated and suffocated. I hate that feeling. I wear open toe shoes and tank tops because I hate being covered up. This sucks. And we're only at day 9.

On the plus side, I spent 8 of those days in ONLY night gowns. I felt that shorts, pants and/or underwear would be a hindrance to me. No thank you. Because going to the bathroom? Ha! That's my adventures for the day. Imagine this if you will, you roll out of bed, put your knee on the scooter and adjust yourself so that you are comfortable. Then you wheel yourself around the side of the bed, open the door carefully so as not to hit the scooter, and wheel out into the hall, round the corner of the bathroom, pull up to the tub, push the door closed behind you (if you're feeling frisky), swivel around and carefully lower yourself onto the toilet, while propping your leg up on the scooter. Deep breath. Then you adjust so you are sitting as comfortably as possible on the toilet in this weird position.

So, business is done. Somehow it takes longer in this position with your leg up. Don't ask me why. Then you carefully grab the handle of the scooter with one hand, and push yourself up with the other, on the counter, and swing yourself around so that you are once again kneeling. Then you flush and wheel back slightly to reach the sink and wash. Then forward again so the door will open. Then you back out and go back to bed, or the living room. All the while, you are balancing yourself on one leg periodically while turning corners or trying to sit. It isn't exactly a workout, but it's the most I get to do. And if you know me, you know how often I make that trek.

My foot is heavy and hot. My toes don't wiggle. There are pins/screws inside my foot. I'm practically a cyborg. Well, a pre-cyborg since I can't DO anything yet. And I'm as bored as can be. There's only so much Facebook, Netflix and Basic Cable one girl can take. As my dear friend at work said to me today via text, "You think, oh man I'd love to lay around and lounge all day. But then when you get to do it you're like...This s**t sucks!" I couldn't have said it better myself.

That's just the recap. Stick around for more fun adventures of Bionic Toes!!!